I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
