you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
