Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
