I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
