Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
