is your mom at the bar?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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