My Higher Power is John Stamos
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
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