Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
