Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
