I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
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He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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