He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
