Are we in a gay sports bar?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
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