I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
