No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
