Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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