nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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