cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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