oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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