I am spending my child support on dildos
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
