My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
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