he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
