Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Success! We fucked roommates!
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
