Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
