Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
