i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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