Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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