Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
