Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Found the puke drawer
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
