It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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