I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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