I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
