it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
