At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
