why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Randomize
