After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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