It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize