I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Why is your signature on my underwear?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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