He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
