She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
