Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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