Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
