There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
