It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I need to calm my uterus...
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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