so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
