I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
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the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
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What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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