Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I need to stop coming to work sober
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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