I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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