i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
