loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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