Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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