even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
