Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
