There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
