i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
