Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
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