I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
