hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
