I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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