My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
