Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
