she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Is it because I queefed?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
