So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
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