a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
