I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
time to smoke my breakfast
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
