We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
