apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
