im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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