just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
